Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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