So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
