I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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