I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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