I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
