a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
