Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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