I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
