Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize