2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
