i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My cat gives me a boner
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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