neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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