I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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