Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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