I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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