and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
