3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
