i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
