My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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