wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
