Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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