Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
