Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
