All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize