just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
