Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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