Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
