What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
