i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
