Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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