you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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