True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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