Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
