I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
