so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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