saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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