i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
