A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
