if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
