If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize