i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
