i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
