'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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