i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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