Dude my mom stole all your condoms
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
