his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize