Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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