Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you had me at cake vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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