I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
