I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
