She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
