My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
