he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
