if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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