so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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