what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
