Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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