It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
