i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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