Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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