the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
