i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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