I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize