I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
