I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
