Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
