we have officially lost it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
