If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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