Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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