My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
