I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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