Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's great music for shaving your balls
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
