Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
